


before the dragons

by actualmuseofspace



Series: they moved forward, my heart died [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bubble Bath, Coping, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, M/M, Meet-Cute, Time Skips, Triwizard Tournament
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 22:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualmuseofspace/pseuds/actualmuseofspace
Summary: Before the dragons, there is only a small moment. Harry and Cedric utilize it.(Can be read before "in ravenclaw someone is always awake" although it does come chronologically after it.)





	before the dragons

“Who’s Cedric, your boyfriend?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Duddlikins.”

Harry doesn't say, "He was," or "I loved him," or any of the million things Cedric was. Not to Dudley. Not to someone who has never lost anything.

—

Cedric shakes his hand after they're both called. If Harry were a different kind of person or Cedric were not quite himself, the next moment would've been different. They would've frozen, made more than brief and in passing eye contact.

But they are only themselves, so what really happens is that they shake hands and let go, and then Harry says, "Cedric. Have we talked before?"

Cedric shakes his head.

That's all they say, but the words stick to Harry like the first feast of the year sticks to his bones.. They seem to run into each other over and over again. In the library, they need the same book. They walk into the Great Hall at the same time. Harry can't avoid asking Cedric about his day or asking him where he's going after Hogwarts. Harry can't avoid the way he starts waiting for Cedric every morning, or the way Cedric straightens his tie or the way Hermione raises her eyebrows at him when they are the only people awake in their common room.

That's the not letting go that gets him. That's the not letting go that makes Harry say, "So, we have a weekend in Hogsmeade coming up." That's the not letting go that makes Cedric say, "Yes."

—

Harry and Cho get along well enough, all things considered.

Hermione gives Harry a kind of sad look every time he comes back from an outing with her. He doesn't say anything to her, just goes upstairs.

He still goes out with her. They eat lunch together, in a quiet affair where they don't cry too much. Eventually, they stop trying to kiss, and their hands rest linked across the table. They don't intertwine their fingers. They lock their hands together in security with each other.

He looks at her, and he sees a love that Cedric had, that he could share with the world. He looks at her, and he sees a mask Cedric kept so he could love Harry. He looks at her and sees what he wishes he got to have.

Cho looks at Harry, and she sees the boy Cedric loved no matter what he thought he wanted. She looks at him, and she sees the skeleton in the closet she kept from dancing. She looks at him and sees what she wishes she got to have.

They keep eating lunch together. Cho cries too much, and they stop trying to make it work, but sometimes they still kiss and it's soft and it's made of memories.

\--

There's little space for them in between the moving walls of Hogwarts. Harry knows there's no one he could ever take anyone home to. Even if the Dursleys cared, they wouldn't be happy with his choice.

Cedric doesn't say as much (neither does Harry, but it's known as unspoken), but Harry can tell it must be the same way. Cedric writes to his parents but always blows on the ink and flows up the letter when Harry finds him in the library. Harry doesn't try to read over his shoulder, and he doesn't want to.

Neither of them gets to go to the other's table, unlike the other cross-house couples that make everyone uncomfortable. Cedric has invited him to sit over a few meals, and when Harry takes him up on the offer, the welcoming is warm but with an undercurrent that desperately wants to pull them under.

They don't have to hide, because everyone is happy to avert their eyes from the curious decisions of the boy who lived. Hermione and Ron listen to Harry weave Cedric's name into their conversations, and he can see in their softened gazes and the sideways flitting glances that as much as they care, they can't help but wonder what everyone else thinks.

When they have a moment alone, Cedric often takes time to weave a tale of their future. Harry rarely gets to dream of the future, but when Cedric finds them a small flat in Hogsmeade or tells him that he thinks he knows a place in an all wizard building in London, Harry lets himself believe they can find a place. That somewhere, they have a place.

\--

Hermione is always there for him. Harry paces the common room late at night, wondering about the homework he hasn't done and the preparation he should have done and the boyfriend he should be doing. She has her own essays to write, in her flawlessly tiny handwriting, but she's there.

She cheers him on every time he gets something right, even if she doesn't watch. She offers what little advice she can when he gets something wrong.

She's there.

When he's crying, she lets him lean on her. She puts down her quill or snuck in ballpoint pen and says, "I know."

She might know. She might not. For Harry, it's enough that she's there and saying that she knows.

Hermione puts on a face for the public. A face that says, “Really, Harry? Him?” if he talks too loud, a face to echo Ron’s when he rambles too much. Late at night, the people who are awake don’t care anymore. The common room is rarely empty, but Gryffindors are a brash and bold lot, ones who are not afraid of the differences. (Every time Harry asks why Hermione stays up so late, she whispers the same phrase like a reassurance. He wants to give it to her. Both of them deserve something they've been barred.)

He lies across an armchair and complains and almost shouts, and she’s there with her sympathy and nodding and he knows she is listening because just when he thinks she isn’t, she says something like, “Well, Harry, Cedric might have worn a blue sweater, but I don’t think that means he suddenly fancies Cho Chang at all,” and he remembers that she’s always there for him.

\--

Cedric takes him to the prefects' bathroom. He says, “You know, the fact that they only give us one bathroom should say nothing is against the rules.”

Harry doesn't know if Cedric is right, but he certainly doesn't try to argue. When Cedric whispers to Harry, "Meet me in the bathroom tonight," Harry goes.

Part of him feels very small. Like he's only following Cedric because that's the only thing he knows how to do. But then he sees Cedric, alone in the bath with his eyes half closed and his chest moving slowly, as if he's half asleep.

"You don't have to get in," Cedric says. "I'll get out in a moment. I just thought, well, no one uses this bathroom after 9...but when I came here, there was already someone here, so I guess, now, I'm here." Cedric sits up a little straighter, gives Harry a smile that's wider than a freshly split tomato.

Harry can't say anything, but the blood in his face has managed to get hotter than the steam rising from the tub.

He chokes almost a few moments. “I’ll get in,” he says, trying to sound like he's gasping for air because he wants it more than he realized he could, not because he doesn't want to.

Cedric laughs, just a little. "Let me get out, Harry. Sit next to me, we never get to talk."

He stands up, pulling a towel in time with the motion. He pulls on a pair of flannel pants, and Harry settles against him.

"So," Cedric starts, "tell me about your day."

—

Before the dragons, there’s only a small moment alone.

Harry's hands fit in Cedric’s.

“Hey,” Cedric says. “You didn’t have to tell me all that. Way back when.” 

“How could I not have?”

“You’re too good, Harry, too good.” Cedric leans in close to Harry, almost like he’s about to kiss him, but too far back, too reserved, for that to be what’s happening. Then, his actions rushed, like Cedric knows exactly how few seconds they have, he pulls Harry tight to him, kissing the top of Harry's head in a way that almost looks like a hug.

Shocked, Harry grabs him back.

Cedric cares about Harry because he wants to.

“I love you,” Harry says, muffled in Cedric’s shoulder. “Please be careful.”

“I will, Harry. You be careful too.”

And then, just as soon, Cedric lets go, just as the names start to be called.

\--

"Who's Cedric, your boyfriend?"

Harry so desperately wants to say, "I wish he were," but all he can say is, "No."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Ron's piece ("turn away from the mirror") will come out in a few months, and then the last tie-up.  
> Another piece, in a similar genre but a different universe, which involves Draco in Gryffindor, called "burned off the tapestry" is next on my publishing list, but it's a goliath of a piece (8,000 words!), so it might be a while since I think I'm going to have to find someone to beta it.  
> I've also been finishing up a lot of my half-written Homestuck fanfiction, so if anyone is still reading that in this late era, expect some Dave character study stuff coming up.  
> As always, I don't have a beta, so let me know if you spot any grammar errors, because my grammar checker is imperfect and I have a tendency to turn it off when it calls out made up words like Triwizard Tournament. Thank you again for reading!


End file.
